I must say that music recitals are great moments for parents. However, getting to the recitals can be arduous, time-consuming, and sometimes just plain torture. Coming from a musical background, I have struggled for years with firming up my own philosophy on music training in the home. It's one of those tricky parenting quandries, which varies from family to family and often, child to child. Do we force our children to play a musical instrument? Do we choose the instrument, or let them decide? At what age should they begin formal lessons? What if they end up hating it? How long do we make them stick with it before giving it up? Oh my. Tricky, indeed.
After years of working on this in theory and practice, I have no perfect answers...but I've found that our experience with this has followed the same pattern as many of the other experiences we've had as parents.
Lots of prayer and consideration of the individual needs of each child.
Lots of experimentation and uncertainty.
Lots of trying to be patient and flexible.
Sometimes we have begun on one path, only to find out later that the chosen path was not right for that specific child. We tried forcing the child to continue with the instrument he chose to begin with, but our relationship with him was strained by this, and we decided that the relationship was more important than the musical training. We waited ample time (over a year), to make sure it wasn't just a rough patch, and could see that the child truly did not love playing that instrument. It was obviously not his passion. So we allowed him to go to his teacher and have a frank talk about quitting the lessons; and then to choose another instrument. Our rule is that each child (over eight years old) must be learning to play at least one instrument at all times.
At first this really bothered me. Quitting! I felt like we had wasted so much time and money on their lessons. And that we had let them give up, instead of sticking with what they had begun. But as I've watched these boys, I see that they have learned discipline during these years of daily practice, in the process of figuring out which instrument suited them best. And I feel that their early strings experience provided great ear training for their other instrumental pursuits. All good music ties together in history, theory, and sound. And I believe that to immerse children in the rigorous course of quality musical study, no matter the type, provides an added layer of depth to their education and refinement. But at a certain point, we have felt the need to back off, and let the child (or youth) decide to take his practice and progress into his own hands (with our support, of course). And if he just wasn't willing to do this, it was plain to us that it was time for him to move on to something that he could be passionate about.
Other children of ours began playing an instrument and loved that instrument enough to stick with it. They have still had those rough spots, where the music gets more challenging and they have had to work really hard to learn it. However, the kids who love their instrument have worked their way through those times, and gotten past them successfully. In other words, they don't always love practicing and going to lessons, but they do it with a good attitude, and work hard to get past the difficult times. They show continued interest, and are willing to invest their time and energy in order to progress. Although I may need to remind them to practice occasionally, I don't force them. These kids practice on their own, because they know that's what it takes to become great at what they love.
One thing that I feel strongly about is that in order for kids to succeed in learning and loving music, they need to be inspired to do so at home. We play classical music and learn about composers. We sing together. We do family recitals and perform for one another, often inviting friends to join in. We try to go to local concerts and musicals as often as we can. We expose our children to different venues in which music is sung and played beautifully. They feel of its importance. And its power. And I believe that this has encouraged them to want to make music a part of who they are.
So...
now it's your turn. How have you handled music lessons in your home? I'd love to hear your ideas on how to get your kids to practice willingly and cheerfully. And whether you allow them to decide when to quit lessons, or make that decision as parents.
Comments, please!
Posts
5 comments:
What an interesting post! I don't have children old enough for formal lessons (my daughter is two) but I do like to hear other people's philosophies/ideas about music lessons. I teach piano lessons and have eight students between the ages of six and seventeen, with a wide range of abilities and interests. I try to encourage good practice habits and try to work with their parents to find out what will best help their children. I try to assign songs that are fairly easy to play (with a little bit of practice), as well as a difficult piece that will take much longer to master. As for my two year old, she loves music. It makes me so happy when she asks me to play her songs on the piano so she can dance and wants to know the names of all of the songs on the radio. Right now she gets to listen to what I listen to- mostly classic rock, some current stuff, and some classical stuff. I'm not really into little kid music (besides primary songs).
Almost everytime your boys come over, one or all of them sit down at our piano and start playing. They can all play beautifully, so you're doing something right! For the most part my kids love their piano lessons. Occasionally I hear a grumble about having to practice, but nothing monumental has occured yet. Wanting to quit hasn't come up yet and I pray it never does!
Great post, Tricia! I think having a mom who is so accomplished helps in lots of ways. But I could definitely step up the exposure to great piano music around here. One of mine declares her intent to quit piano weekly if not daily and is in fact being compelled to continue by parental rule. Because of the intensity of the struggle with piano, we've already conceded middle school band and will allow her to go the choir route. We asked her sister to try band in 6th grade because it would be harder to "catch up" after the first year. Happily, she enjoys her clarinet and has continued with success. We hope someday her sister's attitude will improve. She is a music lover... if only we can get her to channel her powers toward piano!
I read your post with great interest. I grew up playing music and taught a little, play in church and studied music at uni. I now have 3 children - one 9 year old and 7 year old twins. I always thought that when I had children they would all play instruments and love it, however it hasn't ended up that way at this stage. I have had 2 children start lessons but not continue and now have 2 learning piano and loving it and doing their practice without being prompted. I have found that they do much better without me interfering too much, although it is so hard sometimes. I have spent a lot of time thinking about whether music lessons should be compulsory, how involved I should get and whether they should be allowed to 'quit' or change instruments. I do think you need to consider each child individually and put relationship first. Thanks for your posting about your experience.
Music is a must in our home! We sing we play we dance. We try to let the kids learn piano and one other instrument. My 14 year old just decided he wanted to play the oboe so, after the first months of horrible sounds, things are actually sounding musical (at times) and he says this is his scholarship ticket. I hope so! Practicing is smooth some days and not so smooth others. They can quit when they leave the house if they want. My 19 year old quited for a year and is now taking up the violin on his own with no urging from me. Makes me feel so happy! Relationships are important now and later. I know they will be grateful when they are older so, now if they have a rough day we may agree to just 20 of practice or a 'play what you feel like' review day. Sharing what we learn and always going for treats after a recital are also important keys! Thanks for sharing your ideas!
Post a Comment