large family logistics

So, I've been reading this amazing book called Large Family Logistics.  A good friend recommended it to me, and I've been poring over it for the past couple of weeks.  It's fantastic!!  It may even have the capacity to change how I do (or don't do) laundry...which would be miraculous, indeed!

The amazing author, Kim Brenneman is a homeschool mom of nine kids, who keeps a super organized, clean house, cooks from scratch, cloth diapers her babies, hangs her laundry to dry on a line by 8am, and is a good, Christian person.  She seems to be the most amazing woman to ever walk the earth!!  It has been awesome to read the details of how she manages her home and family.  Because really, it's all about the details and systems we put into place in our homes that make them run smoothly.

So many days seem to just pass me by, without my really having accomplished anything around the house.  Most days sneak by without a single load of laundry done or a bathroom cleaned.  I often go to bed with a sink full of pots and pans, and clean laundry piled up around me, instead of nestled in drawers where it belongs.  My kids do their daily chores, so the house stays picked up and relatively swept and vacuumed (meaning relative to an adult version of clean...kids' standards of cleanliness are quite different than adult standards, you know?), but I'm so busy trying to do way too many other (good) things with my time, that my home sometimes falls apart (um...knitting a sweater is good, right?  But that laundry won't wash itself, will it...darn!).

Kim Brenneman teaches that if we have simple, effective systems and plans in place, and train our children to be a part of them, we can keep order and peace in our homes and in our lives.  My favorite part of her book is how she assigns a weekday to each area of her domestic life, as the mothers of the  past did for generations.

Here's how she lays out her week:
Monday is laundry day (catch up on all laundry, but still do at least a load every day...she does 4 loads a day!).
Tuesday is kitchen day (make yogurt and broths, soak beans, clean kitchen, clean out fridge, etc.).
Wednesday is office day (finances, phone calls, menu plans, errand plans, declutter office, calendar, file papers, plan lessons, etc.)
Thursday is town day (errands, appointments, etc.).
Friday is cleaning day (deep cleaning, wash sheets, dust, mop, vacuum, etc.).
Saturday is gardening day (mow, weed, water plants, sweep/shovel porch and walkways, straighten garage, clean cars).
Sunday is the Lord's day (attend church, worship, rest).

Isn't it great?  I want to adopt this in my home.  I want to start working earlier in the morning, and work with a plan to really try to accomplish more in my home each day.  I think Kim's way of organizing her life seems super effective...kind of a way to fit everything in, you know?

If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend you do!  It is super inspiring.  So many great tips and such sound advice on motherhood, whether you have a big family or not.  Kim even included two appendixes: "Coping While Exhausted and Overwhelmed" and "Moving Beyond Survival Mode."  Even though she seems so close to perfection herself, I think she really understands the hearts of mothers.

Have any of you read it?  What do you think?

a moment

A stolen moment of quiet in the foothills.

A blanket to lounge on, a bag full of books, and a knitting project.

Left happily playing little girls with the animals and big brothers in the big backyard, 

dropped a son off at an hour long cello lesson,

and breathed in the peaceful mountain air,

alone,

for a moment.

Come join me today over at Mommy Snark, where I'm guest posting about Joyful Mothering.

And while you're there, look around and meet my good friend, Jenny.  She inspires me.

hello again and family work

Wow!  Posts have been sparse this summer!  I suppose there are times when other things take precedence over blogging.  This summer has been one of those times for me.  Not because anything spectacularly great or tragic has happened around here, but because life just needs to be lived sometimes, without thinking about capturing it in words and pictures.  And it has felt good.

But do you know what?  When I'm away from this little spot, I miss the creative side of blogging.  I miss seeking the perfect moment or scene to snap up, which when photographed, speaks an entire silent story.  And I miss the deep thoughts that come as I sit and ponder the events of my days, and look for the beauty and principles surrounding or stirring them.  I learn about myself when I write.  I learn about life, love, and people.  And when I don't write, I feel a void...like I'm not seeing all there is to see around me, or learning all there is to learn from my experiences.  I hope to keep making time to fill this blog with what I see and feel and understand in this little life I'm living.  I see more, love more, and feel more as I put it all into words and pictures.  Thank you, friends, for sharing it with me!

So, where did we leave off?
Oh, that awful x-ray picture.  I know y'all are ready to see a new photo at the top of this blog, huh?  (Um...can you tell I've spent a little time in the south since my last post?  What I meant was you all.  Yes, much better on my grammar-happy ears.)

To put an end to the one-of-those-weeks we were having, I took my wise friend Jenny's advice and gave the kids a big project (thanks Jenny dear, and thank you all, for all the wonderful comments and advice!).  It turned out that hard work was just the thing we all needed!  The project?  We dug a fire pit in the backyard.  Dad was out of town, so the boys did all the tough digging.  And they did great!  They worked together, with the help (or well-meant hindrance, perhaps) of the little girls, and the rough week seemed to dissolve into oblivion (thank heavens!).  We finished within a couple of hours, and then had friends over for roasted bison hot dogs, s'mores, and night games.  We still admire our masterpiece every time we look out the back windows.  We're so excited for this new and exciting place to gather as a family on chilly fall evenings!

And because of the week, and the project, I remembered just how great family work can be for family relationships.  In fact, it drew me back to one of my favorite articles about family work, which I read years and years ago, and have gone back to so many times since, is by By Kathleen Slaugh Bahr and Cheri A. Loveless.  You can read it here.  And please, please do!  It is excellent!

Here is an excerpt:

My father and mother read us stories about their parents and grandparents, and it was clear that both my father and mother had worked hard as children.  Working hard was what families did, what they always had done. Their work was "family work," the everyday, ordinary, hands-on labor of sustaining life that cannot be ignored--feeding one another, clothing one another, cleaning and beautifying ourselves and our surroundings. It included caring for the sick and tending to the tasks of daily life for those who could not do it for themselves. It was through this shared work that we showed our love and respect for each other--and work was also the way we learned to love and respect each other.

I love that definition of family work.  I really believe it, too.  Through shared work we show our love and respect for each other, and learn to love and respect each other.  Even when it's easier to sweep my own floors than teaching a child to do so.  Or when I can't keep track of how many times I've had to remind a 10-year old to finish washing the dishes...all of them.  Or when the dish-washer and floor-sweeper argue the entire span of their chore time (and the broom may have to be confiscated for being used as a weapon...maybe).  And even when we have chickens and cats and goats (and their smelly mess) coming out our ears, so that our kids can experience the character-building benefit of "real work."  I can honestly say that it is all worth it, to gain that mutual love and respect.

We all know that the results of kids' work are not always equal to those of the work of much more experienced and capable adults (can't you see all those crumbs still spread out under the table??!!).  And that getting kids to join in working is sometimes worse than pulling teeth.  But with the trade-offs and all (spotless house and immaculate yard vs. kids with character, right?!), working together has truly blessed our family.

Another favorite quote from the above article:

How does ordinary, family-centered work like feeding, clothing, and nurturing a family--work that often seems endless and mundane--actually bless our lives? The answer is so obvious in common experience that it has become obscure: Family work links people. On a daily basis, the tasks we do to stay alive provide us with endless opportunities to recognize and fill the needs of others. Family work is a call to enact love, and it is a call that is universal. Throughout history, in every culture, whether in poverty or prosperity, there has been the ever-present need to shelter, clothe, feed, and care for each other. 

Working together has taught us to love and respect each other in real ways.  Hannah recognizes and appreciates how I have nurtured her, as she bathes, dresses, and tucks in little girls at night.  She admires big brothers as they teach her how to care for the animals or scramble eggs.  Brothers thank each other for taking over an assigned chore while the other is away at scout camp, or is too tired to walk out to the barn one night.  And Mom and Dad feel grateful when everyone pitches in to keep things in order around here.  And all of those priceless moments dancing to some good tunes or singing together while working side-by-side?  Awesome.  Or the great conversations that happen while little hands are busily engaged in a task, alongside bigger and wiser hands?  So powerful.  This work has truly linked us together.

I think this new fire pit will always remind me of the great power of family work.  When I look out on it, it will speak back to me of the importance of steadfastness and diligence in teaching my family to work together.  It will remind me that those tough weeks will come, but that as we work together as a family, our relationships will become ever stronger, tying us together in mission and purpose.  And as we gather around the fire together, I hope we will feel the strength and comfort of that love and warmth we have created through living and working
together
as a family.

s'mores, anyone?

one of those weeks

It has been one of those weeks.  We all have them.  Those weeks when you ask yourself if anything you're teaching as a parent is sinking in.  Times when the behavior of your children manifests that the definite answer to that question is a resounding NO.  On all fronts.

On Saturday, Sam did a flip on the couch (against house rules), and knocked his knee on his nose for an aching, bloody mess.  Fifteen minutes later, Eliza swallowed the quarter that her dad and I had both asked her to get out of her mouth.  This led to severe pain in her back, and we couldn't tell which way the quarter had gone down.  Needing to make sure it wasn't lodged in her esophagus or trachea, we took her to an urgent care place for an examination and some x-rays, where the doctor told us that it may have to be surgically removed.  What?  We tried one last desperate measure: an entire can of Sprite and some bread, accompanied with lots of jumping up and down.  Another x-ray showed that the quarter had  finally moved down into her stomach, and the doctor felt confident it would pass naturally through her system...whew!

In Church the next day, we sat in a long row toward the front of the chapel.  Suddenly, one of our girls smacked her sister so hard, that the very audible violence echoed through the building, disrupting the nice discourse from the pulpit about being Christlike.  After a consequence and lecture, that same hitting sister bit the same poor victim on the cheek the next day, leaving teeth-mark bruises on her face.  And after another consequence and more lecturing, she kicked her big sister in the gut.  One son has been sent to his room at least eight times each day, and has earned a total of 20 extra chores for misbehavior (all in the past five days), and I can't remember the last time he had any privileges of any sort.  All the while, another son can't stop teasing younger siblings.  Oh my.

Then...

one very sensitive son made everyone dinner last night, while wearing mom's frilly apron :), and set the table so beautifully and thoughtfully.  I told him that I would vacuum the kitchen rug and sweep the floor for him (his kitchen jobs) since he made dinner, but he did it himself anyway, cheerfully.

On our bike ride yesterday, the big boys voluntarily pumped up tires and tuned up little bikes, and then stayed behind to wait for and help tired little sisters.  They even offered to push the big stroller (full of library books and a heavy toddler) for me so I could ride instead.  We had a fun library visit, where the biggest brother helped everyone find and check out books.  Our picnic in the park was delightful, and we shared and talked and had a great time together.

The girls went right to sleep last night when I tucked them into bed early, and the boys came right in from scouts and kissed me and went to bed on their own.  The eight year old made scrambled eggs all by herself for breakfast, and bathed and dressed her little sister without my asking.  The little girls haven't argued all morning, and the teasing teenage son woke up in a better mood today.  I even caught him on the couch reading a story to a little sister.

And thus it is with parenting and families.

We parents work hard and put our very best effort into raising good, honest, well-behaved children.  We teach, model, nag, lecture, and wear ourselves out to make sure they know the difference between right and wrong.  But they are still just children.  Lately, I have literally found myself thinking, "why can't they just think and act rationally, like adults?"  Umm...because they are not adults.  They are children.  And they will be children for a looooong time before they become adults.  And being children means learning how to think and act.  That learning how includes lots of messing up.  Lots of making mistakes and repeating mistakes.  Lots of trying and failing.  Lots of painful consequences.  Therein, my friends, lies the tricky part...the part that requires parents to have super-hero levels of patience.

I yearn for sublime and peaceful family relationships.  For refined, educated, faithful, children, who have integrity and a passion for goodness and life.  This is the greatest desire of my heart, and I think about it constantly.  At times, it consumes me.  I try to fill my mind with knowledge and my heart with inspiration, so as to lead them in this direction.  And I find parenting principles everywhere...

Watching the baby kittens on my back porch.

In good movies.  We watched Emma for girls' movie night yesterday (while the boys were at scouts)...parenting principles, why yes indeed!

In the books I read.  Little Britches?  Yes, parenting.  Pollyanna?  For sure.  Just finished those two, and I'm so glad to know Pollyanna's dad and Ralph's parents well enough to know what they would say or do in my shoes.  These parents in literature are a great support network for me!

In interacting with people of all types and ages.  In the greatness of others, I see who I want to become.  I see families with that special something that I want ours to have.  I see dedicated parents who inspire me to work harder.  I see fantastic youth who are still learning, but beautifully becoming capable adults.

And of course, in scripture.  The teachings of the Savior are my parenting handbook.  I want to be like Him.


Yes, the principles are out there...all around us.  But how to implement them all?  That will come with time and patience, and with regular day to day living.  And lots of prayer.

So for now, I'm trying hard to create a family culture that inspires greatness.  In me and my children.  In the way we arrange our home.  In the schedule we keep.  In the books and media to which we expose ourselves.  In the way that we speak and act.  In our daily rhythms and interactions.  In what I do with my time and talents, with little learning eyes ever watchful.  In how I treat my husband, and others.  If my children can feel confident and comfortable in a refined home environment, my hope is for them to become the kind of people that can inspire refinement and greatness in others.  The kind of people who are refined and confident all on their own, as they become independent of this place called home.  The kind of people who will someday be ready to report to a much more refined Heavenly home.  (read this article on home culture...fantastic!)

Needless to say, I expect weeks like these, where the bitterness of dealing with mistake-making seems to overpower the sweetness of mothering.  And I try to remember to be glad for the mistakes (Pollyanna's kind of glad amidst despair, of course), for they are the moments that welcome an opportunity for my children (and their mama) to learn.  But all the while, we can feel grounded in the cozy comfort of this home culture we have created.  We all love it.  No matter the rough patches.    

Meanwhile,
I have pulled out a few of my favorite books to review...
Parenting: A House United by Nicholeen Peck
The Power of Positive Parenting by Glen Latham
and of course, the scriptures.

We're also reading Laddie aloud as a family again...this book is about a darling little sister and a brave, kind, generous big brother.  Oh, and a calm, patient, hard-working mother.  And a happy home culture.  I hope we are all inspired as we read!

What do you do to be inspired during those kind of weeks?  I'd love to hear your ideas!

fighting the weeds

Our backyard is full of dandelions.  And I mean full.  They pop up all splendidly yellow and pretty, and make our property look like a spring meadow.  Then, they turn white, and send little fuzzies flying through the air to cover e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.  (including the insides of nostrils...not so fun, for those with allergies!)  Suddenly their fresh yellow glamour wanes, and they reveal their true identity as a very invasive weed, taking over our beautiful, green grass with a vengeance.

There are too many of them to pull by hand.  Even with eight pairs of hands, it would be nearly impossible to uproot them all.  The boys mow the grass, and within an hour (no joke), the dandelions rear their tenacious heads...again and again.  They're relentless.  Noxious weed killers are out of the question, because of the roaming chickens, free-ranging on our pasture and its insect inhabitants.  Plans for a new chicken run are in the works...if the chickens can be contained, we'll be able to work on this weed problem.  (And we'll be able to see our back patio floor and table, which now lie buried under a winter's worth of stinky chicken p**p.  Bonus!)

Sometimes, I feel like I'm living in the midst of that dandelion meadow.  Life seems to creep up around me with vigor, and I lack the energy or resolution to maintain control of it.  These past few months, I have worked hard on some big projects (like the new studio and my BYU Women's Conference presentation, amidst other crazy endeavors).  It felt good to stretch myself and accomplish.  Then I had a glamorous and exciting weekend in NYC with my sweetheart.  Our time together during that break from the everyday was like wading in the flowery spring meadow (...except for the tall buildings and hoards of noisy people everywhere, of course :).  It was perfectly lovely and renewing.

Then I came home.  To what felt like weeds.  The yellow beauty had faded, and back into my mundane reality I jumped.  Piles of laundry.  Cooking.  Cleaning.  Educating.  Mothering.  A roof that leaks in all this rain.  Half-painted, half-functional rooms that need finishing.  A garden that needs tilling and planting.  Flowerbeds that need attention.  Farm animals that need attention.  Kids that need attention.  Wow.  It can all feel so daunting and complicated sometimes.

So, as I gradually chip away at the laundry, make plans for the garden and beds, and go from quick and easy meals back to the more nutritious and fancy fare, I have consciously decided to let myself slowly climb back into things around here.  The weeds aint goin' anywhere, so I may as well take time to look inward and upward, and nurture my ability and desire to tackle them.  I try to slow down, and say no to outside extra's.  I try to play with my kids.  I make time to relax and give myself a break.  I read a good book.  I watch a good movie.  I knit.  And I pray...lots.  That's how I get through when the weeds of life seem too high and fierce to conquer...with some Heavenly help and earthly inspiration.

I don't worry as much about the mounting household tasks...I work on them a little each day, and get lots of help from the kids.  I've brought home bread from the grocery store.  And even some cold cereal and boxed snacks.  I've put aside a few home improvement projects, and allowed myself room to breathe.  I watched all 3 Lord of the Rings movies with my hubby and boys last weekend.  (LOVE those!)  I took my girls shopping and to lunch, and then watched Little Women with them.  I read/listened to a good chunk of War and Peace (finally getting into it!).  I lit a fire whenever it rained.  I drove my kids to their last Shakespeare performance in scenic Heber City yesterday.  (A beautiful drive and a wonderful performance!)   I went on long bike rides.  I cast on for a new knitted sweater.  I ate ice cream.  I gathered with some awesome youth to discuss Lois Lowry's The Giver.  I sewed a little.  I read to my kids.  I spent the day visiting with a good friend.

When I feel overwhelmed, and I can't seem to see beyond the weeds, I take time to nurture my own body and soul.  I gain strength and excitement, and the weeds seem less significant and invasive.  They don't go away.  But I have better perspective, and can see them for what they are, rather than let them take over and control me.  And it feels good.

I often have moms say to me, "how do you have time to sew and knit and read and do projects?  I can hardly keep up on the laundry and dishes!"  I tell you that it is through these creative outlets--making time to do things I love--that I find energy to do more of the work in my home.  I don't always keep up with laundry and dishes...but I do better at keeping up, and find more joy in doing so, as I regularly fill myself with inspiration and energy by making time to nurture and build myself.  I make a better home for my family when I am a better person.

the power of calm

At 8:00 this morning, sleepy-faced kids gathered around the table to listen to Dad share a verse from the scriptures.  An hour late...because Dad had taken the boys and their friends to a Jazz game last night, and because Mom's day is much more pleasant without grumpy, overtired kids.  

The house smelled of yummy, homemade bagels, and the table was set for breakfast.  Dad grabbed a bagel and a few kisses, and was off to work, after his spiritual message and a sweet prayer by Sarah (who, after blessing the food, could not resist asking Heavenly Father for long hair).

We ate, listening to lots of silly chatter about the game last night.  Who flirted with the girls sitting nearby, what brands of candy and junk was consumed, and which jokes were the best.  Not one word about the game itself.  They had way too much fun to watch the game. 

Then, suddenly came a cry from Sam, standing near the toaster at the kitchen counter, "Fire! Fire!!"  We all sat still, toaster out of our view, assuming it was another joke.  "Fire!  Fire!"  He continued, and began jumping up and down in a panicky sort of way.  

I jumped out of my seat at the table, and ran to him.  His sprouted corn tortilla was indeed on fire, and the flame seemed to have enveloped the entire toaster!  The other kids gathered around, screaming.  "Water!" I yelled.  Nothing.  Everyone frozen in their places.  

I ran to the sink and filled a large cup with cold water, then sloshed it all out onto the toaster, putting out the flames instantly.  

Whew.  

That could've been disastrous.  

We took the opportunity to learn how to use the fire extinguisher under the kitchen sink, and made sure we had others in their proper places around the house.  And I forbade the kids from using the toaster while I'm not at home!

Sometimes I feel like a firefighter...spending my days putting out fires.  Most of these everyday fires spawn from the sparks of contention and discord.  Or perhaps grouchiness or hormones or selfishness (in me and the kids).  And they grow to various sizes, and spread at different rates.  

After years of experience extinguishing fires, I am finally figuring out the key to putting out any kind of flame at home.  

CALM.  

When I remain calm, amazing things happen.  Voices and feelings soften.  Hearts change.  Fires are snuffed out without the chaos.

I recently listened to a presentation by my friend Nicholeen Peck and her husband, Spencer, called "The Power of Calm." (given at the 2010 TJEd Forum.)  They authored the book A House United: Changing Children's Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self-Government.  This is an amazing parenting book that has changed our family in many ways.  If you haven't read it, you should!  

I've been pondering how to remain calm in order to resist engaging in power struggles, and to build better relationships with my children.  I so often snap into my overbearing "I'm in charge" mom voice and attitude, which fuels any fire and causes damage to relationships with those I love most.  Because it's just easier than controlling my emotions.  I must change this.  It's worth any time and effort in order to build great relationships with my children.  

No matter where I am or what is going on around me, I have the power to be calm.  And knowing this will make all the difference!  

Check out Nicholeen's blog and her family's appearance on World's Strictest Parents.  Amazing!

***edit: see the Peck family on World's Strictest Parents on youtube:

part I

part II

part III 

part IV 

part V

part VI

Go take a look and see how these great people changed the lives of two very lost youth.  Seriously worth your time!

P.S.  Speaking of calm, I'm loving my soothing white walls!

the mother I want to be

(my hand-picked Mother's Day bouquet)

When Mother's Day rolls around, I can't help but think about the great and divine role I have to nurture and rear the beautiful souls who are my children.  How am I doing?  What kind of mother am I?  What kind of mother do I want to be?


Recently, at an education conference, I heard the inspiring story of Rick and Dick Hoyt, along with a short video presentation about them (below).  It touched me deeply.  And I knew more than ever what kind of mother I wanted to be.


At birth, Rick Hoyt was diagnosed as a spastic quadriplegic with cerebral palsy, due to oxygen deprivation to his brain at birth.  Although he could not communicate or do anything on his own, his parents didn't give up on him.  They noticed that he followed them around the room with his eyes.  When Rick was 10 years old, a group of engineers at Tufts University built an interactive computer for him.  By tapping his head on a headpiece, he could highlight letters of the alphabet, enabling him to communicate with others.  


At the age of 13, Rick was admitted into public school.  When he was 15 years old, he told his father that he wanted to participate in a 5-mile benefit run for a Lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident.  As an inexperienced runner, Dick agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair and they finished all 5 miles, coming in next to last. That night, Rick told his father, "Dad, when I'm running, it feels like I'm not handicapped."

Since that day, this amazing father has dedicated his life to helping his son feel alive.  He has competed in 1000 races, including 6 ironman competitions (wow!), with Rick in tow.  He has sacrificed everything to make his son happy.

That's the kind of parent I want to be.  

Take a minute to watch this touching video about the Hoyts.  Grab some kleenex first.

Happy Mother's Day!

New Year's Principle #2: prioritize and simplify

We awoke today to a quiet house with no electricity.  Sometime in the early morning hours, our neighborhood had lost power.  It had been a long night for us...Brandon sick, little girls with nightmares, and one big boy with a stomach bug (yep, apparently we still have it...).  We snuggled in bed for a while in the dark early dawn (a few little girls stuffed between us), dreading the chilly furnace-less air outside of our warm blankets, and the thought of moving through a new day on a few hours of interrupted sleep.  We finally ventured downstairs and ate breakfast to candlelight.  I lit a hot fire in the stove.  We watched quietly as the sun rose and light filled the house.  It was peaceful and quiet.  Taylor commented, as he bundled up to go snowboarding with a friend, "this is what it must've been like for the pioneers."  I chuckled, and said that they had it much worse.  We talked about what they suffered and how blessed we are.  (we have our electricity back...you knew that, right?  because I'm typing this.)  But I want more quiet mornings like today's.  No media, electronics, computer...lots of Clue and Monopoly, drawing and reading.  And conversation.

It really shouldn't take a power outage to help me realize how lovely a simple life can be.  Or how blessed I am.  So we come to my second New Year's Principle (although these really aren't in order of importance or rank...).

Prioritize and simplify.

I have a hard time with this.  Why?  Because

1) I am (by nature) not a very organized person.  I have to work really, really hard to keep my tasks, space, and thoughts in order.

And 2) I tend to take on way too much.  In other words, I have a hard time saying no.  To others, AND myself.  Sounds weird, I know.  What gives me energy and motivation is creating things.  Thus, ideas swirl around in my crazy brain all day long (and often into the night...), and I can't help myself but turn them into reality.  Even at the peril of my housework and other more important to-do's that end up going by the wayside.

So, prioritizing is a must.  And I'm going to do better at it this year.  (do I sound confident?)  "Big rocks first" is what Brandon always tells me.  You know...put the big rocks (most important priorities) into the jar first so they all fit, and then fill the extra space with the small rocks and gravel.  Genius.  Stephen Covey genius.  His book First Things First is on my January reading list to help me with this principle.

People often ask me how I get so much done...because they know that I homeschool my kids and they see the crafty projects I put out.  They think that I must have some magical secret to getting all the important things done, and then still having spare time used to create and teach and bake, etc...  And my answer?  Usually this:  "I'm sure your house is much cleaner than mine."  Or, in Covey lingo, you gingerly place those shiny big rocks into the jar, while I toss them aside (not throw them, mind you...that could be dangerous now, couldn't it?) and choose to wallow in gravel...or quicksand.

The truth is that we accomplish what we want to accomplish.  Right?  We do what we choose to do with our time.  Sure, there are circumstances thrown at us that change everything...and compel us to make sacrifices in order to accomplish that which is most important to us.  But we still have agency.  We still get to choose how to react to those circumstances.  It all comes down to prioritizing...choosing what to do with that which we have been given.

So this year, I want to choose better.  I want to distinguish between the big rocks and the gravel.  And I want to accomplish the very most important things first (I know, that isn't always housework...although it's an area that certainly needs to be bumped up on the priority ranking for me).  And then move on to the rest.  I want to plan and schedule my life better, putting the most important Rock, the Savior of the world, at the center of it.  I know that if I can do this, everything else will fit in just right.

I'm busy (in waaaay over my head) organizing my home this week, which I seem to love to do in January (see this post from last year).  And I'm reworking our family schedule, with some new educational endeavors this semester...some super exciting adventures floating around our house right now...just need to capture and tame them!

Stay tuned for a look at our attempts at organizing our crazy lives, plus more New Year's principles to live by...


**Oh, and
Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!

My favorite of his words, so pertinent in so very many ways today, as the battle for every American's freedom is still being waged:

"I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."     

Oh Christmas Tree

Faithfully trimming the tree the day after Thanksgiving:

Now enjoying it's magic:

If only I could be like this tree.

I want to boldly emanate light and peace.  I want to bring joy to the season.  I want to quietly send out a message of goodness and love...the message of the Savior of the world.  I want my children to gather around me, like they gather around this magical tree, to find love and comfort.

But...

I also want to sew eight sets of Christmas pajamas with slippers, three Christmas dresses (plus matching doll dresses, of course), a few plush toys and dolls, some boy gifts, and more.

I want to finish knitting the eight woolen hats I've begun.

I want to whip up some holiday garland and other handmade decorations for the house.

I want to do lots of December service projects and festive sight-seeing,

and I want to take time at home to read classic Christmas books by the fire and study the scriptural accounts of the birth of the Savior with the children.

Oh, and I want a clean kitchen and floors, empty laundry baskets, delicious meals, and self-taught-and-entertained children.

Add in basketball season's start, dance classes, homeschool co-op classes and clubs, holiday parties, choir concerts, play performances by the kids,.........

and suddenly the idea of spreading holiday cheer becomes more like a feat the caliber of climbing Mount Everest.  And it doesn't feel festive or cheerful at our house at all when Santa's go-to elf Mom is completely overwhelmed and acts more like the Grinch, stealing the goodness right out of our holiday (which has been the general feeling at times already this month).

So, for me, this year...

the tree that stands so still and wonderful

will be my reminder and inspiration.

I will take time when I walk past it, to reflect and ponder, even for a moment, the real meaning of Christmas.  I will picture in my mind's eye (even while my body is running from one end of the house to another for kidly emergencies, which rarely wane) that blissful first Christmas.  I will feel the sweet peace which filled that meager stable, as wise men and shepherds gathered 'round in humble adoration.

I will breathe in the tenderness of these moments with our blessed tree, and then move through the day, using my time wisely and spending my energy on that which matters most.  And what matters most to me is that my family feels that same peace I have described, every day of the season, in our home.  That they may know with a surety as they grow, that a Savior was born in Bethlehem.  That he lives today and loves them.  That with him, nothing is impossible.

I guess this means that I must chisel down my wish(-to-get-done-)list a bit...

**Pardon me, as I go now to take a glance at the tree and a big deep breath, and then run upstairs to clean up the "gift" Sarah just left me, sans diaper, on her bedroom floor...wish me luck...

How do you balance the craziness with the cheer during the holidays?  Do tell.

Preserving

I had a goal to learn to bottle fruit this fall.  A kind friend generously offered to come over and get me started this week.


So the kids and I went to work on Monday, after morning studies and afternoon music lessons, and picked all the fruit we could get our hands on.  We stripped our trees of all their pears and plums, and a few neighbors donated surplus apples and peaches.

On Tuesday, I cut, chopped, strained, mashed, bottled, and steamed...all day and into the night, and then again all day yesterday (with the interruption of a Liberty Girls Club meeting at our house, and of course lots of frequent interruptions from the little people wandering around Cope Cottage).

I learned lots, most of it through trial and error (which learning manifested itself in the likes of some runny jam...), but overall, it was a great experience.  There's something so satisfying in growing and preserving your own food.  And then staring at the beautiful glass jars, full of yummy summer food to be enjoyed all winter long.

And my favorite moment over these busy, busy few preserving days, was when Taylor, bored with the rainy weather, came into the kitchen and offered to help me prepare the plum jam.  We had such great conversations while we worked.  Really great conversations.  Those spontaneous kind that come so naturally (even from those children who hold most conversations inside their head) when hands are busy and working together.  Every time I taste that delicious plum jam, I'll think about my sweet eldest son and those tender words we shared.

Apple sorting.
Strawberry freezer jam...our favorite!
Especially on a fresh slice of homemade bread...YUM!
Plum jam, pear and applesauce, peach preserves, and salsa.
Now, to find a place for all of this in my pantry, and clean up the house...

Nana, Papa, Uncle Brian, and Uncle Jonathan arrive for a visit today!

Happy October! 

Weekend Happenings

Here's what went on LAST weekend (before our week of sickness...I wasn't the only one who was smitten, making for a long, stay-home, recovery week...)

* * *Wacky Wednesday (Relief Society craft event). It's over...whew!  And I'm almost finished helping with a few leftover projects.

I taught a class on making reverence wraps (with the darling celadon polka-dot and colored stripe fabric below). I also helped some ladies sew ribbon keychains (with the amazing ribbon below, purchased from The Ribbon Spot, a business owned by my friend Erin in Texas. Thanks, Erin!). I was in charge of notebook making, as well. Hannah came to help teach that one. She made some charming little books, and helped me with a couple of other projects I had signed up to make. She was right in her element. I think she loves crafting just as much as her mama!

*As a sidenote, many of you asked about putting words on a sewing project.  I use Printed Treasures.  It's available at most quilt shops and fabric stores.  It's also great for printing photos onto fabric for quilting projects...or just about any project!  I used it here to applique baby photos onto a onesie and a burp cloth, and as a tag on a tiny coat.  I LOVE this stuff!!! 

* * *Friday night, we took the whole family to see the movie Broken Hill. Last week, my friend Amy forwarded me an email from the wife of one of it's crew members. She introduced it as a great family-friendly movie. And it proved to be so. We loved it! 

And as a bonus, when we entered the theatre, there was Alexa Vega (Spy Kids star) with Dagen Merrill, the director, signing and handing out posters. Alexa was beautiful and gracious. We enjoyed the whole experience so much!

* * *Saturday we attended the boys' annual fall strings recital. They performed beautifully. Congratulations, boys, on all your hard work! You're so talented!

This past weekend...

* * *we're still in recovery mode.  Eliza ruptured ear membranes and is still on the mend.  All of the rest of us are feeling better...hooray!

* * *Friday night, Dad and the big kids went to the annual ward "Car Show."Apparently we have some antique car collectors in the neighborhood.  The kids gave the event a 5 star review!

* * *Saturday, boys and Dad spent half the day in the yard mowing our acre of grass.  Brandon replaced several sprinkler heads a few weeks ago, and adjusted the rest.  The grass is greeeeeeeeen and looking beautiful!  Good job boys!

* * *Brandon and a friend went down to Provo to see BYU get crushed.  Bummer!

* * *I spent time running errands, and then the kids and I watched the first part of A&E's Pride and Prejudice.  It just never gets old.  It has to be my favorite movie of all time.

* * *And yesterday, we enjoyed the annual ward Primary Program.  Eliza started the program by singing a duet with another 3 year old.  They proudly belted out, "I lived in Heaven a long time ago it is true..."  It was darling.  

Along with all the giggles and wiggles, with so many littles gathered in front of so many watching eyes, a sweet, pure Spirit filled the chapel.  

I felt especially touched when all of the children stood and sang, "How Firm A Foundation, Ye Saints of the Lord..."

I felt the power of the mantle we bear as parents.  This is our purpose.  To help them build a firm foundation.  Firm in the doctrines of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Firm in the belief that he is the Savior of the World...and their personal Savior. So that when life's winds blow (and they will blow), they will be built upon the rock of our Redeemer, and never falter.  (Helaman 5: 12)

And the rest comes second.  The sports, the academics, the social events...all of the extras come second to that sacred responsibility and calling we have as mothers and fathers, to “bring up [our] children in light and truth.” (D&C 93:40) 

May we focus this week on doing so a little better...

Sweet dreams in the nursery

I've almost finished decorating the nursery (now that my baby's almost 2...). I've had some ideas whirling around in my head for quite some time...it's exciting to finally see them really happen!
I sewed up some little birds and hung them from an old grapevine wreath for the mobile. I love how it turned out!
And I wanted to put up some type of fabric garland over the crib...something sweet, natural, charming. I saw the cover of the ever-inspiring Amanda Blake Soule's new book, Handmade Home (coming out next week...can't wait to get my hands on it) and LOVED the darling photo of her little girl sleeping with a "dream" banner over her head. So I designed something similar...
and I hope my baby girl has sweet dreams sleeping under it!
I'm hoping to sneak in a bit more crafting time during this busy weekend to finish up the little reading nook in the corner of her room...more photos to come!


Hope your weekend is full of sweet dreams too!

On gifts and aprons

When it comes time for gift giving, I love scouring the craft blogs and dear ole' Esty for ideas. There are so many fabulous creations and tutorials out there!
And of course, I try to give handmade gifts when I can, because I really think they mean more, with all that love spun into their fibers.


This was our Mother's Day gift for Nana:



For the hot pads, I used two layers of heat-resistant batting, and tried a new bias-tape making tool (very cool) for the binding. I haven't done much quilting, but these were super fun to piece together and quilt, making it all up as I went (my favorite way to do things!).
We also included a shiny new baker's cookie sheet, and our favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe, printed on an index card along with a photo of little Sarah reaching for a big plate of said cookies.


Here's an apron I made on Tuesday for a friend's birthday:


I designed it after one I saw on Etsy, and I love how it turned out. I think I'll make one (or a few) for myself!...but I'll add a pocket or two next time...
I LOVE aprons. Don't they symbolize motherhood in a timeless way? When I want to really accomplish tasks in my home, I strap on an apron so I feel equipped for the work, and dressed for the deed. I shove random things into the big pockets all day, to carry off to their rightful homes. I wipe my hands clean (or arms or face) on the sturdy fabric as I go.
And most importantly, I feel feminine, competent and right in my element. It's my uniform for homemaking.

I hang my aprons right in the kitchen, where I can grab one and go, and where I can look to them as a reminder of the significance of my role as mother and wife.
They represent to me the important charge that is mine,
of making home, HOME.
And doing so with grace, beauty, love, and a smile (not always easy to do...keep those aprons coming)!
I definitely see more apron-making in the future...

A Motherhood Manifesto

I love Mother's Day...and I love mothers. Especially those mothers who have touched my life over the years. My own dear mother, in particular. And there have been many others as well.

To me, a mother is any woman who mentors and teaches youth, guiding them into adulthood with goodness and charity. Some "mothers" may not have children of their own. Some may not receive that blessing until the hereafter. But it will come. Even so, I believe that all women can contribute to fulfilling our society's great need for "mothers"...today, and every day of their lives. By developing themselves, and then teaching, nurturing, befriending, mentoring, and being there for the young people all around them who so desperately need what they have to offer.
How infinitely grateful I feel to have been entrusted with children in my own home...special spirits sent to earth to be "mine" for a time. What an honor and blessing it is for me to know from whence they came, and why it is that they are here. What an incredible challenge and journey it is to be with them as they learn about themselves and discover their mission here on earth...and as they progress and prepare to return someday to that Heavenly home, their true home. I know that what I do now, as their mother, matters in their journey. And in the journey of those who will belong to generations to come. I KNOW of the divinity of this role I have as a mother. I have felt of its importance and power. And that vision...the vision of who I really am, and who my children are--children of God--keeps me focused and brings me joy.
However...at times


that inspiring vision of motherhood is blocked by mile-long to-do lists, full of tasks and obligations which mount up as high as the piles of dishes and laundry we stare at in overwhelm. We doubt the greatness and potential of the souls that lie beneath the runny noses, stinky bums, and ear-piercing tantrums. We wonder about our own greatness and potential when the sleep-deprived, energy spent lady in the mirror slightly resembles Medusa run over by a truck. And we wonder why we were ever entrusted in the first place, when the hard-earned fruit of our labor (presently playing in toilet water...for reals, I just snapped this shot!), seem to be ruled by chaos and mischief of all types.
and then,
when we are the most humble (and desperate),
if we really listen,
deep, deep inside our soul,
we hear something like this:

You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you—He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin, waits everlastingly for the return of the prodigal son. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.
Remember, remember all the days of your motherhood: “Ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.”
Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well.
(Jeffrey R. Holland, Because She Is A Mother)

And we remember who we are, and then we go on. And we do our best, relying on heavenly help.

The following lines have become my favorite lines of poetry, and are dear to my heart. They were written by Vilate Raile about the pioneers. But to me, they describe mothers:

They cut desire into short lengths

And fed it to the hungry fires of courage.

Long after--when the flames had died--

Molten Gold gleamed in the ashes.

They gathered it into bruised palms

And handed it to their children

And their children's children.

That's powerful! It's what motherhood is all about. The sacrifices we make now will impact generations to come. So be courageous enough to make them. Give it all. And then give some more.
Don't lose yourself as you give, but use the giving as refinement for your soul. It will transform you if you let it. Look around you as you give. Find things to do and create which bring you joy. Grow your talents. Grow yourself while you raise your children. Become someone great and take your children along in your journey.
Who you become...your goodness... that's the gold after the refiner's fire--your influence is that gold in the poem that will be handed down through the generations. That's giving it all. That's motherhood.








Speaking of Women of God, Neal A. Maxwell said:

You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms...


When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing.

A mother's work is eternal. And wonderful. Enjoy your journey!



(and now, off my soapbox to fish soggy towels out of the toilet...

while I ponder on the potential of that wet and messy little girl...).

Letting Go

One of my deepest fears as a mother has always been answering the telephone and receiving "that call." You know, the one where the voice on the other end says, "there's been an accident..."
Well, Thursday evening, I got a call that began that way. And my heart almost stopped.
I had dropped the boys off at a friend's house, and then had taken the three girls to Hannah's ballet class. I had turned off my cell phone so that my tired and done-for-the-day baby could play with it (irresponsible, I know). So, the phone's off, and I'm wrestling two bored little girls, watching one trying to be graceful, and thinking about what to feed everyone for dinner.
When I finally flipped my slobbery phone back on, I immediately got a call from home. Home? ...but nobody's at home. When I answered I heard a voice say that dreaded phrase, as my friend began to explain that Romney had been in a motorcycle accident.
She proceeded to tell me that he was okay, but had scraped up his leg pretty badly. He had lost control of the dirt bike, and slid onto the pavement with his leg stuck under the fast-spinning tire. His leg had abrasions and burns, but other than that, he was fine, just shaken up.
I raced home, my heart aching for my dear Romney. And aching because he needed me while my phone had been turned off. When I walked in the door, he melted down, the tears flowing freely. I held him tight. With the help of my wise neighbors, I dressed the wounds and comforted Romney (all the while, trying to hold myself together). Brandon laid his hands on Romney's head that night, and gave him a Priesthood blessing. I felt God's power in the sweet words he spoke. I was comforted.
He is fine now. His leg is still bruised and sore and wrapped up in bandages, but he is limping around on his feet and thankful that the pain has decreased over the weekend. And we're all thankful that his injuries were very minor.

And I am fine too. And I learned a few things.
I learned a little bit about letting go. I imagine that when we left our Heavenly home, our Father knew we would crash and burn a few times while here on earth. He knew we wouldn't be perfect, that we would make many mistakes, and that we would often be in harm's way, with temptation on every side. But he loved us enough to let us go. He wanted us to experience the good and the bad, so that we could learn and grow, and thus become worthy to be with Him again.
As parents, we come to the point when we must also let go. I struggle with this. A lot. I want so badly for my children to be happy and safe. I want them to be righteous and make good choices. I want them to love life and to see and create beauty around them. I want them to work hard, serve their neighbor, and be statesmen and disciples of Christ. But I know I cannot force them to do these things. They must live life for themselves. And I can't always be there by their side. They must decide for themselves who they want to become. And with that, consequences will come. And those consequences will be great teachers...perhaps even better teachers than moms and dads.
So I'll spend my days in their service, giving my all to teach and mentor them in virtue and righteousness. And then, I'll let them go. I'll let them experience life. And I'll trust that the Lord will watch over them in His own way, and that His plan for them will mold them into the people He wants them to be.
I am happy that my boys spent time with good friends on Thursday, learning how to ride motorcycles. It was something new and fun. There is risk involved, but that is part of life. Taylor will go rappelling off a cliff and camp out in the chilly mountains with his Scout troop Friday night...there is definitely risk there, too. And there will invariably be conversations with peers, in numerous settings, involving topics and offerings that tempt and try their very souls...also a risky proposition.
So I'll let them go. And work and pray so that they have the strength to stand up for what they know is right. And the outcome won't always be how we plan it, but I know that the Lord is in charge, and I will trust His wisdom. He loves us and knows what we need.

dear daddy,

i fa-down off the couch and urt my face. my mouf has a big owee. i looked around for you to ol-me but mom says you're at wook. pease hurry ome so i can ug you. you always make everything better.
sarah
ps this ice tastes pretty good...maybe i'll be okay til you get ome